I've had two friends ask me about pumping in the last few days so I figured I'd share all of my "wisdom" and let others fill in the blanks. Mind you, I didn't enjoy BFing (the logistics of it - i enjoyed the snuggling with my child part) so I don't know if I'm that helpful.
Hints:
- start pumping earlyish (first few weeks) when your supply is not yet regulated by the baby. This should give you a good stash in the freezer for later one plus will keep your supply up.
- drink tons of water (or any fluid, I guess - I have a friend who swears by Gatorade)
- from the lactation consultant - if you're having a tough few days with a fussy baby (usually around 5-6 weeks because they're having a growth spurt and your supply can't keep up), have a "reset day". Don't do ANYTHING - hang out in your pjs so BFing is easy and super-accessible. Watch a ton of tv and let the baby and your supply match up again. I did this a few times and it totally helped.
- this came from a friend and it's more of a sleeping tip but it is helpful for nursing too. During the day, make sure you feed your baby every three hours (like on the dot). At the beginning, do 15 min on each side each time - so yeah, you have to nurse x 30 min every three hours. You have to wake the baby up from naps to do this. It seems crazy but it did work for us. It taught my daughter that the kitchen was not open 24/7 and she started sleeping much better and with greater regularity (this was pre-hip-brace - after that, all bets for sleep were off). Seriously, tickle his/her feet if you need to keep them nursing for that full 30 min. Definitely worth it. Actually, i think this is worth it for bottlefed babies as well. Everyone needs to learn the kitchen is not open at night (but is open every three hours during the day!).
Supplies:
- a good pump (duh)
- if you don't get a hands-free pump, get a pumping bra. You can actually DO stuff while pumping instead of holding on for dear life.
- a second set of tubing/accessories for pumping at work
- sleep bras or nursing tanks for nighttime feedings (or just general "i don't feel like getting dressed today" feedings). I like the Motherwear sleep bras (but not anything else from there) and tanks from anywhere (Target, etc...).
- nice/supportive nursing bras - you're going to be wearing them for a while so they should fit well. I like Bravado.
Help:
- I didn't find La Leche League to be that helpful. It was more of a social support to continue BFing rather than a place to learn the skills. Since most of my friends BF, i didn't need the social support.
- I went to see a lactation consultant a few times (early on when the baby wasn't latching AT ALL and we were feeding her pumped milk with a syringe like a freaking baby bird and again when she got her hip brace and i needed to learn new positions). All the visits were covered by insurance and it was so helpful to get one-on-one help.
- this post is helpful - http://www.bostonmamas.com/2011/07/14_posts_for_breastfeeding_moms.html
- I went to a BFing support group at the local hospital. I really enjoyed it - your mileage may vary.
- This doesn't have too much to do with BFing but the lovely MJ(G) suggested joining a playgroup when my daughter was a newborn. I'm so glad she did! At the time, I was so confused - I mean, MJ's baby was only six months older than my baby - why did I need to meet more women with babies? But these women have babies who are the exact same age as my daughter (all born in May or June of 2010) and it is so helpful to be in the trenches at the exact same time. Even now, more than a year later, i love meeting with them and watching our kids grow! And in terms of BFing support (and any other support), they are a great cheerleading section.
Ok, that's it for my breastfeeding advice. Please offer your own!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Back again!
Well, it's been a long time since I posted any great names from VA's job (and my former employer). As always, a very impressive list:
Adorabli
Seanteeze
Natural Natrail
Forreal
Summer Rayne
Snow Blank
Wealth
I think I've become numb to silly names because I actually thought "Summer Rayne isn't too bad". OH MAN.
Adorabli
Seanteeze
Natural Natrail
Forreal
Summer Rayne
Snow Blank
Wealth
I think I've become numb to silly names because I actually thought "Summer Rayne isn't too bad". OH MAN.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Necessary Items
I had big plans to write about the necessary items for bringing home (and raising) a baby (in honor of two mamas who welcomed babies in the past week). However, I'm mourning one of my favorite (non-baby) items right now and I feel like you all need to know about it.
So here we go...item #1.
The Vidalia Chop Wizard (or as we call it "Choppy"). Good ol' Choppy broke the other day and it is killing us. We love him a lot but we're buying a replacement and tossing him in the garbage asap. Seriously, Choppy is (well, was) amazing...you can quickly cut food (including onions) in nice, evenly-sized pieces. Amazing!
2. The Brazilian Blowout. As someone who has been fighting with frizz and humidity for years, I can't believe how life-changing this process has been. I love not having to use a flat iron for straight/smooth hair.
3. The DVR. One of the moms in playgroup mentioned this the other day. SO TRUE. Do you need further explanation? I don't think so.
4. diapers.com. MJ(G) and CCBL both introduced diapers.com to me. It's seriously awesome. They arrive the next day and there is no shipping charge if I order over $50 (which is easy when you're paying for diapers/wipes). It's not the cheapest for Pampers but avoiding the chaos at the big-box stores is worth it to me.
So here we go...item #1.
The Vidalia Chop Wizard (or as we call it "Choppy"). Good ol' Choppy broke the other day and it is killing us. We love him a lot but we're buying a replacement and tossing him in the garbage asap. Seriously, Choppy is (well, was) amazing...you can quickly cut food (including onions) in nice, evenly-sized pieces. Amazing!
2. The Brazilian Blowout. As someone who has been fighting with frizz and humidity for years, I can't believe how life-changing this process has been. I love not having to use a flat iron for straight/smooth hair.
3. The DVR. One of the moms in playgroup mentioned this the other day. SO TRUE. Do you need further explanation? I don't think so.
4. diapers.com. MJ(G) and CCBL both introduced diapers.com to me. It's seriously awesome. They arrive the next day and there is no shipping charge if I order over $50 (which is easy when you're paying for diapers/wipes). It's not the cheapest for Pampers but avoiding the chaos at the big-box stores is worth it to me.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Three things
1. I am pretty sure I witnessed a miracle at work yesterday. So that's always nice.
2. A friend of mine is having twins in a week (or ONE WEEK!!!! as she describes it). I keep wanting to share some of my "lessons learned" with her but i am too freaking lazy to send an email. I'm hoping to write them here ASAP and then get your input as well!
3. I already bitched to CCBL and she wrote a whole blog entry about it here but here's my story - I am hosting playgroup today. A woman called me and said "hey, my child is sick and I just got yelled at by another friend for having a playdate earlier this week but I'm going to bring him to your house if you don't mind". WHY YES, I do mind. If my child gets sick, she can't go to daycare. If she can't go to daycare, one of her parents must stay home. I don't know about you but i like using my vacation time for PLANNED VACATIONS and not for staying home with a sick child.
I think there is a fine line between the runny nose that all children have all winter long and being actively sick.
Oh and here is a fourth item - I flew alone with the baby (toddler) this week. WOW. It was tough. I don't know how AMW does it with two children!
2. A friend of mine is having twins in a week (or ONE WEEK!!!! as she describes it). I keep wanting to share some of my "lessons learned" with her but i am too freaking lazy to send an email. I'm hoping to write them here ASAP and then get your input as well!
3. I already bitched to CCBL and she wrote a whole blog entry about it here but here's my story - I am hosting playgroup today. A woman called me and said "hey, my child is sick and I just got yelled at by another friend for having a playdate earlier this week but I'm going to bring him to your house if you don't mind". WHY YES, I do mind. If my child gets sick, she can't go to daycare. If she can't go to daycare, one of her parents must stay home. I don't know about you but i like using my vacation time for PLANNED VACATIONS and not for staying home with a sick child.
I think there is a fine line between the runny nose that all children have all winter long and being actively sick.
Oh and here is a fourth item - I flew alone with the baby (toddler) this week. WOW. It was tough. I don't know how AMW does it with two children!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
CSA, week #1
Mike has been interested in local and healthier eating lately (after watching "Food Incorporated" and reading "The Omnivore's Dilemma"). Without having to do any of the grunt work, I've been able to reap the benefits. We were already drinking organic, hormone-free milk and Mike now buys cage-free (humanely-raised) eggs. He also bought a beef share a month or so ago so we have plenty of frozen meat in the fridge.
Today was the first day of our CSA fruit/veggie haul. We didn't have the greatest experience last year so I was hesitant but excited to try this new CSA. What a bounty!
- red beets
- dark green leaf lettuce
- spinach
- Hakurei turnips
- bok choy
- snap peas
- pea tendrils
- scallions (or green onions, depending on what you call them!)
Here's our cooking/eating plan - please offer any suggestions!
- we roasted the beets, green onions and turnips
- lettuce is ready for salads
- we wilted the spinach with some salt and olive oil (deelish)
- snap peas are pretty much eaten already
- bok choy is chopped and ready for a stir fry tomorrow
- NO IDEA about the pea tendrils. Not a clue. Help, please!
Of course, I had prepped dinner prior to this evening's pick-up. So with all that organic, local, healthy food, what did we eat tonight?
That's right - processed crap. Yum!
Today was the first day of our CSA fruit/veggie haul. We didn't have the greatest experience last year so I was hesitant but excited to try this new CSA. What a bounty!
- red beets
- dark green leaf lettuce
- spinach
- Hakurei turnips
- bok choy
- snap peas
- pea tendrils
- scallions (or green onions, depending on what you call them!)
Here's our cooking/eating plan - please offer any suggestions!
- we roasted the beets, green onions and turnips
- lettuce is ready for salads
- we wilted the spinach with some salt and olive oil (deelish)
- snap peas are pretty much eaten already
- bok choy is chopped and ready for a stir fry tomorrow
- NO IDEA about the pea tendrils. Not a clue. Help, please!
Of course, I had prepped dinner prior to this evening's pick-up. So with all that organic, local, healthy food, what did we eat tonight?
That's right - processed crap. Yum!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Easy
I'm putting together a Shutterfly book for my daughter's first year (hoping to make this an annual tradition - I already did one for her gestation and birth) so Mike and I were looking at photos from last summer.
And even though the photo subject was (and is) adorable, I definitely felt a little sad looking at her (and us). We just all looked so miserable! For myself, it was a combination of new-mom-ness plus post-partum depression. For her, it was normal newborn behavior plus reflux plus that first terrible (and ineffective) hip brace. For Mike, it was trying to keep it together for his crying ladies while also going to work every day!
And we got through that year and we survived and some might even say we thrived. But would I say it was easy? Ummm, no. And would I say I had an easy baby? Ummm, no (at least not after she got the Pavlik brace). I reread some of my old blog posts and I had forgotten how sad it was that we could only snuggle for one hour per day. Luckily it wasn't for a long period (she was waened to 12 hours/day after a few months) but it was rough at the time to maximize our bathtime/snuggling/breastfeeding in those short sixty minutes.
A few comments and segues into reflux:
- once we got a different kind of brace, everything changed! What I thought was crankiness due to reflux was apparently just discomfort from the brace. She became such a happy baby!
- since she continued with the reflux, the pediatrician dubbed her a "happy spitter". As the person who did the laundry, I disagree with the term "spitter"! This was not spit!
- the puking (and even all spit up) stopped magically when she started walking. It was such a distinct line - one day, crawling and spitting up everywhere (i needed to bring a burpcloth for a 5 min errand into CVS) and then walking and NOTHING. No puke, no spitup, nothing. Amazing.
And most importantly...just because they are fussy and not easy, it doesn't mean they aren't cute!
And even though the photo subject was (and is) adorable, I definitely felt a little sad looking at her (and us). We just all looked so miserable! For myself, it was a combination of new-mom-ness plus post-partum depression. For her, it was normal newborn behavior plus reflux plus that first terrible (and ineffective) hip brace. For Mike, it was trying to keep it together for his crying ladies while also going to work every day!
And we got through that year and we survived and some might even say we thrived. But would I say it was easy? Ummm, no. And would I say I had an easy baby? Ummm, no (at least not after she got the Pavlik brace). I reread some of my old blog posts and I had forgotten how sad it was that we could only snuggle for one hour per day. Luckily it wasn't for a long period (she was waened to 12 hours/day after a few months) but it was rough at the time to maximize our bathtime/snuggling/breastfeeding in those short sixty minutes.
A few comments and segues into reflux:
- once we got a different kind of brace, everything changed! What I thought was crankiness due to reflux was apparently just discomfort from the brace. She became such a happy baby!
- since she continued with the reflux, the pediatrician dubbed her a "happy spitter". As the person who did the laundry, I disagree with the term "spitter"! This was not spit!
- the puking (and even all spit up) stopped magically when she started walking. It was such a distinct line - one day, crawling and spitting up everywhere (i needed to bring a burpcloth for a 5 min errand into CVS) and then walking and NOTHING. No puke, no spitup, nothing. Amazing.
And most importantly...just because they are fussy and not easy, it doesn't mean they aren't cute!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A few thoughts
1. I wish my daughter would eat more. If you have ideas for finger foods for toddlers, I'd appreciate the suggestion.
2. I wish I would eat less.
3. My baby is now a one-year-old. What happened? How did this happen? Ahhh, she's lovely and so much fun. I wish I could freeze time...but I've been saying that since she was six months old and then each month gets better!
4. I see no one is going to teach me how to clip my hair like Kate Middleton's. Excuse me, Princess Catherine.
5. I'm newly obsessed with creating an emergency kit in our home. I just found out that my brother and my father both have kits and they also have secondary meeting places in case they can't go to their homes. My brother also suggested the alterate meeting spot to his employer so they now have business-card-sized maps and important emergency numbers. Good idea, little brother!
That's all for now!
2. I wish I would eat less.
3. My baby is now a one-year-old. What happened? How did this happen? Ahhh, she's lovely and so much fun. I wish I could freeze time...but I've been saying that since she was six months old and then each month gets better!
4. I see no one is going to teach me how to clip my hair like Kate Middleton's. Excuse me, Princess Catherine.
5. I'm newly obsessed with creating an emergency kit in our home. I just found out that my brother and my father both have kits and they also have secondary meeting places in case they can't go to their homes. My brother also suggested the alterate meeting spot to his employer so they now have business-card-sized maps and important emergency numbers. Good idea, little brother!
That's all for now!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Hair
I want my hair to do this on special occasions.
Do I have to backcomb the top? And how do I pin my hair up? Lots of little pins?
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Hodge-Podge
Ahhhh, two posts in one week. And neither of them are plagiarizing the president. What's wrong with me? Am I *gasp* motivated? Let's not get crazy.
Ok, so to get back in the swing of things, here's a hodge-podge of things that I've thought about lately.
Politics:
1. I wish people would just close their trap. People get mean when they talk about politics. Specifically, I get really really mad when people say that the president was not born in this country. I think it is a thinly-veiled way of being racist.
2. I think the president's doing exactly what he said he would do - and yet people WHO VOTED FOR HIM are complaining. I don't get this - you voted for him because you wanted change. I am talking specifically about health care. I really don't follow much else.
3. This almost-shutdown really annoyed me. Don't worry - my blame falls equally on the Democratic White House and the Republican Congress.
And now I am going to follow #1 and stop talking about politics.
Parenthood:
1. I love my kid so freaking much. Honestly, I had no idea it was going to be like this. I'm amazed every day at what she's learning and understanding. Ten months is a great age. Sometimes I feel like I was a half-assed mother during the first few (ummm, six) months - I was so tired, so depressed, so unsure - and I don't feel like she got my best effort. I really try now to be the mother that she needs.
2. When I expressed my distress over her first few weeks, my darling friend VAsquared said that I gave her exactly what she needed (food, snuggles). That makes me feel good. The baby didn't know that I was a mess.
3. I am no longer depressed and I have more confidence in my mothering skills (or at least, I know I can fake it) but I'm still tired. This is ok.
4. I have realized that most parents are just faking it. And if they say that they know what they're doing, they are either lying or their kids are adults.
Sort of back to politics for a second - yes, I don't follow my own advice. It's my blog - I can do what I want to do! My dad went to a union rally/protest the other day. I was really proud of him. First of all, I love that my 70-year-old father is more liberal than I am. Second of all, I love that he has held true to his beliefs through his entire adult life. Third, I'm proud that he doesn't just complain about things but he actually goes out and shows his support in rallies. Oh and here's a fourth - if you aren't related to him, he won't discuss politics with you. He really tries to be diplomatic and stress-free when talking to people.
Ok, so to get back in the swing of things, here's a hodge-podge of things that I've thought about lately.
Politics:
1. I wish people would just close their trap. People get mean when they talk about politics. Specifically, I get really really mad when people say that the president was not born in this country. I think it is a thinly-veiled way of being racist.
2. I think the president's doing exactly what he said he would do - and yet people WHO VOTED FOR HIM are complaining. I don't get this - you voted for him because you wanted change. I am talking specifically about health care. I really don't follow much else.
3. This almost-shutdown really annoyed me. Don't worry - my blame falls equally on the Democratic White House and the Republican Congress.
And now I am going to follow #1 and stop talking about politics.
Parenthood:
1. I love my kid so freaking much. Honestly, I had no idea it was going to be like this. I'm amazed every day at what she's learning and understanding. Ten months is a great age. Sometimes I feel like I was a half-assed mother during the first few (ummm, six) months - I was so tired, so depressed, so unsure - and I don't feel like she got my best effort. I really try now to be the mother that she needs.
2. When I expressed my distress over her first few weeks, my darling friend VAsquared said that I gave her exactly what she needed (food, snuggles). That makes me feel good. The baby didn't know that I was a mess.
3. I am no longer depressed and I have more confidence in my mothering skills (or at least, I know I can fake it) but I'm still tired. This is ok.
4. I have realized that most parents are just faking it. And if they say that they know what they're doing, they are either lying or their kids are adults.
Sort of back to politics for a second - yes, I don't follow my own advice. It's my blog - I can do what I want to do! My dad went to a union rally/protest the other day. I was really proud of him. First of all, I love that my 70-year-old father is more liberal than I am. Second of all, I love that he has held true to his beliefs through his entire adult life. Third, I'm proud that he doesn't just complain about things but he actually goes out and shows his support in rallies. Oh and here's a fourth - if you aren't related to him, he won't discuss politics with you. He really tries to be diplomatic and stress-free when talking to people.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Inside joke
Today was the first time that I really saw my daughter's wicked sense of humor. I already knew she was a good-natured kid (it feels great when people say they've never heard her squawk) but I didn't know if she was "funny" yet.
Sidenote - being funny is very important to me and my husband. We have frequently had arguments about which one of us is funnier. If you don't think it's me, shut your mouth.
Anyway...the story...my husband had taken down the baby gates last night so there was easy access to the kitchen from the living room (where we were playing). The baby knows I don't like her in the kitchen alone (big appliances, staircase to the basement, unsteady bookcase - pick your poison) and I had already given her a few little warning noises as she inched her way closer to the kitchen. She finally crawled her way into the kitchen and then full on sat down and looked back at me with a dare in her big brown eyes. The nerve! So I chased (okay, crawled) after her and she laughed and laughed and laughed. She didn't even care about being in the kitchen - she just wanted me to know that she could do it AND she wanted me to chase after her.
That kid - she is more than I could have hoped for.
(MEG - I hope you don't mind I ended in a preposition)
Sidenote - being funny is very important to me and my husband. We have frequently had arguments about which one of us is funnier. If you don't think it's me, shut your mouth.
Anyway...the story...my husband had taken down the baby gates last night so there was easy access to the kitchen from the living room (where we were playing). The baby knows I don't like her in the kitchen alone (big appliances, staircase to the basement, unsteady bookcase - pick your poison) and I had already given her a few little warning noises as she inched her way closer to the kitchen. She finally crawled her way into the kitchen and then full on sat down and looked back at me with a dare in her big brown eyes. The nerve! So I chased (okay, crawled) after her and she laughed and laughed and laughed. She didn't even care about being in the kitchen - she just wanted me to know that she could do it AND she wanted me to chase after her.
That kid - she is more than I could have hoped for.
(MEG - I hope you don't mind I ended in a preposition)
Friday, January 14, 2011
I could have bolded the entire speech
To the families of those we’ve lost; to all who called them friends; to the students of this university, the public servants gathered tonight, and the people of Tucson and Arizona: I have come here tonight as an American who, like all Americans, kneels to pray with you today, and will stand by you tomorrow.
There is nothing I can say that will fill the sudden hole torn in your hearts. But know this: the hopes of a nation are here tonight. We mourn with you for the fallen. We join you in your grief. And we add our faith to yours that Representative Gabrielle Giffords and the other living victims of this tragedy pull through.
As Scripture tells us:
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
On Saturday morning, Gabby, her staff, and many of her constituents gathered outside a supermarket to exercise their right to peaceful assembly and free speech. They were fulfilling a central tenet of the democracy envisioned by our founders – representatives of the people answering to their constituents, so as to carry their concerns to our nation’s capital. Gabby called it “Congress on Your Corner” – just an updated version of government of and by and for the people.
That is the quintessentially American scene that was shattered by a gunman’s bullets. And the six people who lost their lives on Saturday – they too represented what is best in America.
Judge John Roll served our legal system for nearly 40 years. A graduate of this university and its law school, Judge Roll was recommended for the federal bench by John McCain twenty years ago, appointed by President George H.W. Bush, and rose to become Arizona’s chief federal judge. His colleagues described him as the hardest-working judge within the Ninth Circuit. He was on his way back from attending Mass, as he did every day, when he decided to stop by and say hi to his Representative. John is survived by his loving wife, Maureen, his three sons, and his five grandchildren.
George and Dorothy Morris – “Dot” to her friends – were high school sweethearts who got married and had two daughters. They did everything together, traveling the open road in their RV, enjoying what their friends called a 50-year honeymoon. Saturday morning, they went by the Safeway to hear what their Congresswoman had to say. When gunfire rang out, George, a former Marine, instinctively tried to shield his wife. Both were shot. Dot passed away.
A New Jersey native, Phyllis Schneck retired to Tucson to beat the snow. But in the summer, she would return East, where her world revolved around her 3 children, 7 grandchildren, and 2 year-old great-granddaughter. A gifted quilter, she’d often work under her favorite tree, or sometimes sew aprons with the logos of the Jets and the Giants to give out at the church where she volunteered. A Republican, she took a liking to Gabby, and wanted to get to know her better.
Dorwan and Mavy Stoddard grew up in Tucson together – about seventy years ago. They moved apart and started their own respective families, but after both were widowed they found their way back here, to, as one of Mavy’s daughters put it, “be boyfriend and girlfriend again.” When they weren’t out on the road in their motor home, you could find them just up the road, helping folks in need at the Mountain Avenue Church of Christ. A retired construction worker, Dorwan spent his spare time fixing up the church along with their dog, Tux. His final act of selflessness was to dive on top of his wife, sacrificing his life for hers.
Everything Gabe Zimmerman did, he did with passion – but his true passion was people. As Gabby’s outreach director, he made the cares of thousands of her constituents his own, seeing to it that seniors got the Medicare benefits they had earned, that veterans got the medals and care they deserved, that government was working for ordinary folks. He died doing what he loved – talking with people and seeing how he could help. Gabe is survived by his parents, Ross and Emily, his brother, Ben, and his fiancée, Kelly, who he planned to marry next year.
And then there is nine year-old Christina Taylor Green. Christina was an A student, a dancer, a gymnast, and a swimmer. She often proclaimed that she wanted to be the first woman to play in the major leagues, and as the only girl on her Little League team, no one put it past her. She showed an appreciation for life uncommon for a girl her age, and would remind her mother, “We are so blessed. We have the best life.” And she’d pay those blessings back by participating in a charity that helped children who were less fortunate.
Our hearts are broken by their sudden passing. Our hearts are broken – and yet, our hearts also have reason for fullness.
Our hearts are full of hope and thanks for the 13 Americans who survived the shooting, including the congresswoman many of them went to see on Saturday. I have just come from the University Medical Center, just a mile from here, where our friend Gabby courageously fights to recover even as we speak. And I can tell you this – she knows we’re here and she knows we love her and she knows that we will be rooting for her throughout what will be a difficult journey.
And our hearts are full of gratitude for those who saved others. We are grateful for Daniel Hernandez, a volunteer in Gabby’s office who ran through the chaos to minister to his boss, tending to her wounds to keep her alive. We are grateful for the men who tackled the gunman as he stopped to reload. We are grateful for a petite 61 year-old, Patricia Maisch, who wrestled away the killer’s ammunition, undoubtedly saving some lives. And we are grateful for the doctors and nurses and emergency medics who worked wonders to heal those who’d been hurt.
These men and women remind us that heroism is found not only on the fields of battle. They remind us that heroism does not require special training or physical strength. Heroism is here, all around us, in the hearts of so many of our fellow citizens, just waiting to be summoned – as it was on Saturday morning.
Their actions, their selflessness, also pose a challenge to each of us. It raises the question of what, beyond the prayers and expressions of concern, is required of us going forward. How can we honor the fallen? How can we be true to their memory?
You see, when a tragedy like this strikes, it is part of our nature to demand explanations – to try to impose some order on the chaos, and make sense out of that which seems senseless. Already we’ve seen a national conversation commence, not only about the motivations behind these killings, but about everything from the merits of gun safety laws to the adequacy of our mental health systems. Much of this process, of debating what might be done to prevent such tragedies in the future, is an essential ingredient in our exercise of self-government.
But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized – at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who think differently than we do – it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds.
Scripture tells us that there is evil in the world, and that terrible things happen for reasons that defy human understanding. In the words of Job, “when I looked for light, then came darkness.” Bad things happen, and we must guard against simple explanations in the aftermath.
For the truth is that none of us can know exactly what triggered this vicious attack. None of us can know with any certainty what might have stopped those shots from being fired, or what thoughts lurked in the inner recesses of a violent man’s mind.
So yes, we must examine all the facts behind this tragedy. We cannot and will not be passive in the face of such violence. We should be willing to challenge old assumptions in order to lessen the prospects of violence in the future.
But what we can’t do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on one another. As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility. Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let us use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy, and remind ourselves of all the ways our hopes and dreams are bound together.
After all, that’s what most of us do when we lose someone in our family – especially if the loss is unexpected. We’re shaken from our routines, and forced to look inward. We reflect on the past. Did we spend enough time with an aging parent, we wonder. Did we express our gratitude for all the sacrifices they made for us? Did we tell a spouse just how desperately we loved them, not just once in awhile but every single day?
So sudden loss causes us to look backward – but it also forces us to look forward, to reflect on the present and the future, on the manner in which we live our lives and nurture our relationships with those who are still with us. We may ask ourselves if we’ve shown enough kindness and generosity and compassion to the people in our lives. Perhaps we question whether we are doing right by our children, or our community, and whether our priorities are in order. We recognize our own mortality, and are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame – but rather, how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in bettering the lives of others.
That process of reflection, of making sure we align our values with our actions – that, I believe, is what a tragedy like this requires. For those who were harmed, those who were killed – they are part of our family, an American family 300 million strong. We may not have known them personally, but we surely see ourselves in them. In George and Dot, in Dorwan and Mavy, we sense the abiding love we have for our own husbands, our own wives, our own life partners. Phyllis – she’s our mom or grandma; Gabe our brother or son. In Judge Roll, we recognize not only a man who prized his family and doing his job well, but also a man who embodied America’s fidelity to the law. In Gabby, we see a reflection of our public spiritedness, that desire to participate in that sometimes frustrating, sometimes contentious, but always necessary and never-ending process to form a more perfect union.
And in Christina…in Christina we see all of our children. So curious, so trusting, so energetic and full of magic.
So deserving of our love.
And so deserving of our good example. If this tragedy prompts reflection and debate, as it should, let’s make sure it’s worthy of those we have lost. Let’s make sure it’s not on the usual plane of politics and point scoring and pettiness that drifts away with the next news cycle.
The loss of these wonderful people should make every one of us strive to be better in our private lives – to be better friends and neighbors, co-workers and parents. And if, as has been discussed in recent days, their deaths help usher in more civility in our public discourse, let’s remember that it is not because a simple lack of civility caused this tragedy, but rather because only a more civil and honest public discourse can help us face up to our challenges as a nation, in a way that would make them proud. It should be because we want to live up to the example of public servants like John Roll and Gabby Giffords, who knew first and foremost that we are all Americans, and that we can question each other’s ideas without questioning each other’s love of country, and that our task, working together, is to constantly widen the circle of our concern so that we bequeath the American dream to future generations.
I believe we can be better. Those who died here, those who saved lives here – they help me believe. We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another is entirely up to us. I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us.
That’s what I believe, in part because that’s what a child like Christina Taylor Green believed. Imagine: here was a young girl who was just becoming aware of our democracy; just beginning to understand the obligations of citizenship; just starting to glimpse the fact that someday she too might play a part in shaping her nation’s future. She had been elected to her student council; she saw public service as something exciting, something hopeful. She was off to meet her congresswoman, someone she was sure was good and important and might be a role model. She saw all this through the eyes of a child, undimmed by the cynicism or vitriol that we adults all too often just take for granted.
I want us to live up to her expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it. All of us – we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations.
Christina was given to us on September 11th, 2001, one of 50 babies born that day to be pictured in a book called “Faces of Hope.” On either side of her photo in that book were simple wishes for a child’s life. “I hope you help those in need,” read one. “I hope you know all of the words to the National Anthem and sing it with your hand over your heart. I hope you jump in rain puddles.”
If there are rain puddles in heaven, Christina is jumping in them today. And here on Earth, we place our hands over our hearts, and commit ourselves as Americans to forging a country that is forever worthy of her gentle, happy spirit.
May God bless and keep those we’ve lost in restful and eternal peace. May He love and watch over the survivors. And may He bless the United States of America.
- President Obama
There is nothing I can say that will fill the sudden hole torn in your hearts. But know this: the hopes of a nation are here tonight. We mourn with you for the fallen. We join you in your grief. And we add our faith to yours that Representative Gabrielle Giffords and the other living victims of this tragedy pull through.
As Scripture tells us:
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
On Saturday morning, Gabby, her staff, and many of her constituents gathered outside a supermarket to exercise their right to peaceful assembly and free speech. They were fulfilling a central tenet of the democracy envisioned by our founders – representatives of the people answering to their constituents, so as to carry their concerns to our nation’s capital. Gabby called it “Congress on Your Corner” – just an updated version of government of and by and for the people.
That is the quintessentially American scene that was shattered by a gunman’s bullets. And the six people who lost their lives on Saturday – they too represented what is best in America.
Judge John Roll served our legal system for nearly 40 years. A graduate of this university and its law school, Judge Roll was recommended for the federal bench by John McCain twenty years ago, appointed by President George H.W. Bush, and rose to become Arizona’s chief federal judge. His colleagues described him as the hardest-working judge within the Ninth Circuit. He was on his way back from attending Mass, as he did every day, when he decided to stop by and say hi to his Representative. John is survived by his loving wife, Maureen, his three sons, and his five grandchildren.
George and Dorothy Morris – “Dot” to her friends – were high school sweethearts who got married and had two daughters. They did everything together, traveling the open road in their RV, enjoying what their friends called a 50-year honeymoon. Saturday morning, they went by the Safeway to hear what their Congresswoman had to say. When gunfire rang out, George, a former Marine, instinctively tried to shield his wife. Both were shot. Dot passed away.
A New Jersey native, Phyllis Schneck retired to Tucson to beat the snow. But in the summer, she would return East, where her world revolved around her 3 children, 7 grandchildren, and 2 year-old great-granddaughter. A gifted quilter, she’d often work under her favorite tree, or sometimes sew aprons with the logos of the Jets and the Giants to give out at the church where she volunteered. A Republican, she took a liking to Gabby, and wanted to get to know her better.
Dorwan and Mavy Stoddard grew up in Tucson together – about seventy years ago. They moved apart and started their own respective families, but after both were widowed they found their way back here, to, as one of Mavy’s daughters put it, “be boyfriend and girlfriend again.” When they weren’t out on the road in their motor home, you could find them just up the road, helping folks in need at the Mountain Avenue Church of Christ. A retired construction worker, Dorwan spent his spare time fixing up the church along with their dog, Tux. His final act of selflessness was to dive on top of his wife, sacrificing his life for hers.
Everything Gabe Zimmerman did, he did with passion – but his true passion was people. As Gabby’s outreach director, he made the cares of thousands of her constituents his own, seeing to it that seniors got the Medicare benefits they had earned, that veterans got the medals and care they deserved, that government was working for ordinary folks. He died doing what he loved – talking with people and seeing how he could help. Gabe is survived by his parents, Ross and Emily, his brother, Ben, and his fiancée, Kelly, who he planned to marry next year.
And then there is nine year-old Christina Taylor Green. Christina was an A student, a dancer, a gymnast, and a swimmer. She often proclaimed that she wanted to be the first woman to play in the major leagues, and as the only girl on her Little League team, no one put it past her. She showed an appreciation for life uncommon for a girl her age, and would remind her mother, “We are so blessed. We have the best life.” And she’d pay those blessings back by participating in a charity that helped children who were less fortunate.
Our hearts are broken by their sudden passing. Our hearts are broken – and yet, our hearts also have reason for fullness.
Our hearts are full of hope and thanks for the 13 Americans who survived the shooting, including the congresswoman many of them went to see on Saturday. I have just come from the University Medical Center, just a mile from here, where our friend Gabby courageously fights to recover even as we speak. And I can tell you this – she knows we’re here and she knows we love her and she knows that we will be rooting for her throughout what will be a difficult journey.
And our hearts are full of gratitude for those who saved others. We are grateful for Daniel Hernandez, a volunteer in Gabby’s office who ran through the chaos to minister to his boss, tending to her wounds to keep her alive. We are grateful for the men who tackled the gunman as he stopped to reload. We are grateful for a petite 61 year-old, Patricia Maisch, who wrestled away the killer’s ammunition, undoubtedly saving some lives. And we are grateful for the doctors and nurses and emergency medics who worked wonders to heal those who’d been hurt.
These men and women remind us that heroism is found not only on the fields of battle. They remind us that heroism does not require special training or physical strength. Heroism is here, all around us, in the hearts of so many of our fellow citizens, just waiting to be summoned – as it was on Saturday morning.
Their actions, their selflessness, also pose a challenge to each of us. It raises the question of what, beyond the prayers and expressions of concern, is required of us going forward. How can we honor the fallen? How can we be true to their memory?
You see, when a tragedy like this strikes, it is part of our nature to demand explanations – to try to impose some order on the chaos, and make sense out of that which seems senseless. Already we’ve seen a national conversation commence, not only about the motivations behind these killings, but about everything from the merits of gun safety laws to the adequacy of our mental health systems. Much of this process, of debating what might be done to prevent such tragedies in the future, is an essential ingredient in our exercise of self-government.
But at a time when our discourse has become so sharply polarized – at a time when we are far too eager to lay the blame for all that ails the world at the feet of those who think differently than we do – it’s important for us to pause for a moment and make sure that we are talking with each other in a way that heals, not a way that wounds.
Scripture tells us that there is evil in the world, and that terrible things happen for reasons that defy human understanding. In the words of Job, “when I looked for light, then came darkness.” Bad things happen, and we must guard against simple explanations in the aftermath.
For the truth is that none of us can know exactly what triggered this vicious attack. None of us can know with any certainty what might have stopped those shots from being fired, or what thoughts lurked in the inner recesses of a violent man’s mind.
So yes, we must examine all the facts behind this tragedy. We cannot and will not be passive in the face of such violence. We should be willing to challenge old assumptions in order to lessen the prospects of violence in the future.
But what we can’t do is use this tragedy as one more occasion to turn on one another. As we discuss these issues, let each of us do so with a good dose of humility. Rather than pointing fingers or assigning blame, let us use this occasion to expand our moral imaginations, to listen to each other more carefully, to sharpen our instincts for empathy, and remind ourselves of all the ways our hopes and dreams are bound together.
After all, that’s what most of us do when we lose someone in our family – especially if the loss is unexpected. We’re shaken from our routines, and forced to look inward. We reflect on the past. Did we spend enough time with an aging parent, we wonder. Did we express our gratitude for all the sacrifices they made for us? Did we tell a spouse just how desperately we loved them, not just once in awhile but every single day?
So sudden loss causes us to look backward – but it also forces us to look forward, to reflect on the present and the future, on the manner in which we live our lives and nurture our relationships with those who are still with us. We may ask ourselves if we’ve shown enough kindness and generosity and compassion to the people in our lives. Perhaps we question whether we are doing right by our children, or our community, and whether our priorities are in order. We recognize our own mortality, and are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame – but rather, how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in bettering the lives of others.
That process of reflection, of making sure we align our values with our actions – that, I believe, is what a tragedy like this requires. For those who were harmed, those who were killed – they are part of our family, an American family 300 million strong. We may not have known them personally, but we surely see ourselves in them. In George and Dot, in Dorwan and Mavy, we sense the abiding love we have for our own husbands, our own wives, our own life partners. Phyllis – she’s our mom or grandma; Gabe our brother or son. In Judge Roll, we recognize not only a man who prized his family and doing his job well, but also a man who embodied America’s fidelity to the law. In Gabby, we see a reflection of our public spiritedness, that desire to participate in that sometimes frustrating, sometimes contentious, but always necessary and never-ending process to form a more perfect union.
And in Christina…in Christina we see all of our children. So curious, so trusting, so energetic and full of magic.
So deserving of our love.
And so deserving of our good example. If this tragedy prompts reflection and debate, as it should, let’s make sure it’s worthy of those we have lost. Let’s make sure it’s not on the usual plane of politics and point scoring and pettiness that drifts away with the next news cycle.
The loss of these wonderful people should make every one of us strive to be better in our private lives – to be better friends and neighbors, co-workers and parents. And if, as has been discussed in recent days, their deaths help usher in more civility in our public discourse, let’s remember that it is not because a simple lack of civility caused this tragedy, but rather because only a more civil and honest public discourse can help us face up to our challenges as a nation, in a way that would make them proud. It should be because we want to live up to the example of public servants like John Roll and Gabby Giffords, who knew first and foremost that we are all Americans, and that we can question each other’s ideas without questioning each other’s love of country, and that our task, working together, is to constantly widen the circle of our concern so that we bequeath the American dream to future generations.
I believe we can be better. Those who died here, those who saved lives here – they help me believe. We may not be able to stop all evil in the world, but I know that how we treat one another is entirely up to us. I believe that for all our imperfections, we are full of decency and goodness, and that the forces that divide us are not as strong as those that unite us.
That’s what I believe, in part because that’s what a child like Christina Taylor Green believed. Imagine: here was a young girl who was just becoming aware of our democracy; just beginning to understand the obligations of citizenship; just starting to glimpse the fact that someday she too might play a part in shaping her nation’s future. She had been elected to her student council; she saw public service as something exciting, something hopeful. She was off to meet her congresswoman, someone she was sure was good and important and might be a role model. She saw all this through the eyes of a child, undimmed by the cynicism or vitriol that we adults all too often just take for granted.
I want us to live up to her expectations. I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it. All of us – we should do everything we can to make sure this country lives up to our children’s expectations.
Christina was given to us on September 11th, 2001, one of 50 babies born that day to be pictured in a book called “Faces of Hope.” On either side of her photo in that book were simple wishes for a child’s life. “I hope you help those in need,” read one. “I hope you know all of the words to the National Anthem and sing it with your hand over your heart. I hope you jump in rain puddles.”
If there are rain puddles in heaven, Christina is jumping in them today. And here on Earth, we place our hands over our hearts, and commit ourselves as Americans to forging a country that is forever worthy of her gentle, happy spirit.
May God bless and keep those we’ve lost in restful and eternal peace. May He love and watch over the survivors. And may He bless the United States of America.
- President Obama
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