Warning – this is sad.
I’m sure if you’ve seen or talked to me recently, I’ve shown you a picture of my little patient. I was his primary nurse and I was obsessed with him. I loved recounting every time he gave me a little gummy infant smile and the day he learned to laugh (just on Wednesday!). Here’s an unsurprising secret – babies think it’s hysterical when you make crazy faces and tickle their necks. Unfortunately, he started to go downhill this weekend and he was “redirected” to comfort care only (no interventions) on Sunday night.
I’m sorry to say that he passed away early on Monday morning. Fortunately, I was able to be at work that night and care for him. I promised myself that he would not be put down all night and I am so grateful to my coworkers that we were able to give that gift to him. I had another patient so we all took turns carrying him and snuggling him and whispering strong words to him as he got worse and worse.
Around 330am, he started looking worse so we took him into his room to have privacy and I called his mom to let her know it would happen soon and the doctor would call her later (parents were unable to be there). We all took turns hugging him and saying our goodbyes. Over and over, I just kept saying that I was so sorry – so sorry that he got the short end of the stick in so many unfortunate ways.
About an hour later, as I was snuggling him, he stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating moments later. I handed him to another nurse and went to get the doctor. He came in and declared that he had passed. We gave him a bath and created a memory box for his parents – some locks of hair and prints of his hands and feet. I know it seems strange that they weren’t there for the death but I know that they adored him so much.
I don’t think it’s super appropriate to discuss patient matters on a blog so I hope I got the essence of his life in words without compromising his privacy. I just felt it was important that I take a moment to remember him and share his short life with other people. I had never held someone as they died and I never thought I’d want that responsibility. But as sad as death is, I know that he was loved and that he is comfortable now. I’m glad I was able to be with him and that we were able to keep him warm and safe and snuggled through his last night.
man, I wasn't even hormonal and I'm sad. LOVE YOU BABY! yooda yooda.
ReplyDeleteThis story reconfirms why you're one of my favorite pediatric nurses EVER... So grateful that this patient had you and your loving care in his last hours (and for a lot of his life)...
ReplyDeleteHelen, I have to tell you that had you been the one caring for my Brady during her final moments, I would know that she was being loved second best to me on her way out. I can't tell you how important it is to a bereaved parent to know that their child transitioned so lovingly.and I don't know if I've ever told you My most valuable possession in the entire world is not a diamond, or a gem, or some sort of antique, it is the thing that would seem least valuable to anyone else, it is the lock of Brady's hair that I would never had thought to collect if not for some very tender and loving nurses like you.
ReplyDelete