If you're so upset, tell the internet

Two things my husband said to me yesterday...

1. He walked by while I was changing into my pajamas and says "WHOA. Preggers!"...about two seconds later, he says "You look beautiful!" but really in those two seconds, I almost killed him.

2. A dialogue:
JSinP: blah blah blah, something about getting stuff done before the baby comes...
M: It's okay. We have six months!
JSinP: Ummm, no, we have five months.
M: No, it's mid-December and the baby is coming in mid-May so that's...oh...shoot....that's five months.
JSinP: Yeah.